Our fertility journey is something I've shared in pieces over the years, on Instagram, in conversations with close friends, and eventually in a guide I created for the people who want to support someone going through it. But I've never sat down and written the full picture in one place.

Today I'm changing that. Because if there's one thing I learned during our two-plus years of trying to conceive, it's that the people around you can make this journey so much more bearable, or so much harder. And most of the time, the difference isn't intention. It's information.

Most people have no idea what to say to someone going through infertility. And I get it. Before I lived it, I wouldn't have known either.

A little bit of our story

Kevin and I started trying to grow our family in our late twenties. I had a plan (because of course I did). A timeline. "Baby by 30."

Month after month, that timeline slipped. I tracked my cycle obsessively. I did acupuncture. I saw a chiropractor, a pelvic floor PT, a therapist. I skipped the champagne toast when we closed on our house. I avoided hot tubs on family trips. I kept my heart rate below 160 on runs. All just in case.

Eventually, the "just in cases" stopped feeling worth it.

We tried for over two years. 19+ cycles. Multiple rounds of IUI. I found out one of my tubes was potentially blocked during an HSG test that I had to do alone because of COVID restrictions. And ultimately, we made the decision to pursue IVF.

During all of this, I was running two businesses centered entirely around motherhood. I was a maternity and newborn photographer. I'd founded Om Mama Co., a community for expecting and new moms. My world was babies and pregnant bellies and joyful family sessions. And I couldn't make a family of my own.

IVF worked on our first transfer. Our son arrived in the fall of 2021, and his sibling followed in 2024. We are so, so lucky. And I never forget what the waiting felt like.

What I learned about support

Through all of it, I learned some things about what it means to be supported, really supported, during infertility. Some people showed up in ways that changed everything for me. Some people said the worst possible thing with the absolute best intentions. And a lot of people just went silent because they didn't know what to do.

That silence was the hardest part. Not because people didn't care. But because when you're going through something this isolating and nobody says anything, it feels like you're invisible.

The people who got it right? They didn't have magic words. They just showed up. They said "that sucks, I'm here." They sent cookies. They texted "thinking of you" on a random Tuesday. They told me about their pregnancy privately, over text, so I could cry and be happy for them at the same time without an audience.

The people who got it wrong? They told me to "just relax." They said "everything happens for a reason." They shared stories about their cousin's friend who got pregnant naturally right before IVF, as if that was supposed to be comforting. They offered unsolicited supplement recommendations. They stopped inviting me to things because they were afraid it would upset me.

None of them meant harm. They just didn't have anyone showing them a better way.

Why I made this guide

That's why I created How to Support Someone Through Infertility. It's a free, downloadable guide for anyone who loves someone going through infertility, IUI, or IVF. It covers what to say, what not to say, practical ways to show up, how to handle your own pregnancy announcement with grace, and a Quick Reference cheat sheet you can screenshot and keep on your phone.

It's not a medical resource. It's not clinical or complicated. It's just everything I wish the people in my life had known, written from the other side of it, with a whole lot of love.

If you or someone you know could use it, you can download it for free right here: How to Support Someone Through Infertility

For the person going through it

If you're the one in the thick of the fertility journey right now, I see you. I was you. And please feel free to share the guide with anyone in your life. You can simply say - “Hey, I found this guide online and thought it was really helpful, if you want to take a look.”

And I’m also creating two companion guides written specifically for you:

The TTC Companion: A Guide for the Waiting is for anyone actively trying to conceive. It covers cycle tracking without losing your mind, building your care team, navigating pregnancy announcements, and a whole page of permission slips for the hard days.

The IVF Prep Guide: What I Wish I'd Known is for anyone who's decided to pursue IVF or is considering it. It walks through the entire process from someone who's been there.

Stay tuned!

One last thing

If you're reading this and you know someone going through infertility, here's the simplest thing you can do today: text them. Right now. Say "thinking of you." Don't wait for the right moment. Don't overthink it. Just let them know they're not invisible.